Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
only you would photoshop your dick
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
