I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize