I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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