I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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