What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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