I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
