i already hear my dad disowning me
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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