Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
