Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
