Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
