Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
