He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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