My first STD was from a foam party
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
