as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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