That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
