We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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