the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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