i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
