Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
bring money and cleavage
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
