This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
