so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
