My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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