Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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