So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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