Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
