I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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