where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
