You don't have asthma, your pregnant
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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