Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize