you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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