after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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