I'm jealous of your bromance
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
