I accidentally burped into my bong.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
