you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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