I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
