I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
