your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
