You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
