Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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