just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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