You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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