when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
