I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
