YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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