Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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