you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
