No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
