How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
