I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
