They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
