went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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