So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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