I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
