we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
