This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
