just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
