my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
