She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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