How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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