I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
