I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
