How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
