no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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