Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
