Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
