thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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