oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What drink are we having for lunch?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
