Only a mothe r could love this liver
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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