Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize