R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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