Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She bit a glass in half.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
